So, this morning, I was checking out and scrolling down through my YM contacts list. Surprisingly, I found out that I have more than 450+ contacts. Where did everybody come from?! Some contacts I don’t even remember anymore because they sound suspicious…. :|
When I was still in college, I remember that was the time when my YM list started growing. I’ve been adding up user IDs of my blockmates and some friends that we’ve made in Mapua Makati. I scrolled down to that bottom part, where the oldest YM group I created is located, and checked out who were online.
Then something struck me – Everybody in that group, I realized, were either married or in a relationship.
Where are the single people of my age?! Hehe. I know you guys are out there. (Pero bat di kayo online? haha)
Anyway, when I attended a dinner recently where my girl friends have been telling me that the ideal age for giving birth is before turning 30. Thank you for scaring me. -_- But honestly, I really did worry for a while and though some people will agree on that, there is also evidence that people who gave birth (with their first child) after 30 is still okay.
It has been that way recently, sometimes when everybody around you is in a relationship, when you’re with them, feeling mo you’re invading their time together. Not that they intentionally want you to feel that way, probably they just like hanging with you guys, and didn’t know that you feel this way. Depende siguro sa friends.
I’m not saying that I don’t agree with relationships and being all in love… contrary to popular belief, I very much like the feeling of being in love. It’s allowing yourself to be all silly, but you don’t care! No, you don’t care because it makes you happy. You learn a lot together and you learn how to compromise. But lately, most of the people around me that I see have all relationships that are failing. When I was younger, I thought that, you know, worst things that happen in relationships and marriages only happen in movies and novels. But no, infidelity and loss of interest actually happen where you are right now. They’re much more real than I thought.
But still, I’m not letting romance die in me. I know for a fact that some people, despite the distance, time and differences they are still together and keeping it strong. And ako pa, when I fall in love with you, I dedicated my whole self to you. Rather stupid but when you’re in love, you will see that you lose your balance.
Recently, I have been enjoying the time that every thing in me feels quiet. There’s no longing, no jealous feeling, no worries… and sometimes I just close my eyes and savor that feeling of peace. I have this close guy friend, let’s call him Han Solo – no, he’s not single. We always talk a lot when we can. One day, I was surprised to tell him that “You know, I actually don’t feel anything for anyone. It’s just quiet.” Because after a long time of getting hurt, I suddenly felt this. It was like somebody had calmed the raging waters and I was suddenly pulled me out of the water, then placed on this tiny boat. I was looking quietly around and wondering why the raging has stopped.
During my lamentation times last year, somebody told me before that this day would come – when you would feel that silence in you, and when it happens you have to submerge yourself in it… while you can. Because soon, you will find yourself filled again with feelings.
So if you are reading this and you’re single, *apir*. Let’s enjoy this feeling.
If you are in a relationship and you want to stay in it, then you pretty much know what you have to do. Making relationships last is done by people who you and I admire and it’s possible.
If you are in a relationship and you’re miserable in it… then what’s wrong with you?! You need to start *waves jedi hand* rethinking life.
But still it made me think. Is getting married and having a family the only direction where we COULD go as we grow up … in order to be happy? I mean, I’m 25, and I still haven’t done a lot of things na I want to do. I want to travel, I want to be this and be that … and when you do start to have a family, it’s like having a tattoo on your face! It’s a full time job, without over time pay – forever.