Posts Tagged With: realizations

what becomes of the broken hearted 2

Despair – a state where all hope is absent.

On moments when I feel that despair is taking over, eto yung mga times na I wish na this is all just a movie – where hindi ko need problemahin how the main characters will pull this off and make it work.

Tapos I would just sit back and wait for the “5 years later” na caption, just to skip the difficult part.

Sometimes, I don’t want to see what will happen anymore. It’s too scary to think of what could possibly happen. Like, what if after 2 years, and you’re still thinking of him? (…”two years later you’re still on my mind.” -Someday We’ll Know) Or what if eventually my friend chose a decision that led to a worse consequence?

I feel this too for my friends and other people important to me. During that time when we hug each other for support. Most of the time, I have a good advice for them, pero may times when I really do not know what to do anymore to help. Kaya gusto ko na lang mag skip to “…a few years later”, kasi ayaw ko na makita ang super daming sadness na to.

I sometimes believe that only time can heal. That is a sure answer, pero it’s not something that I want to hear. It’s like this:

“Ang sakit ng heart ko araw-araw. Kelan ba ako gagaling?”

“Hmm, hindi ako sure. Depende sa ability mo to heal eh. It will take time.”

“How long?”

“Iba iba kasi per person. Sa iba, months lang. Sa iba, years.”

“Pero gagaling ako?”

“Well… hindi ka talaga gagaling. Masasanay ka lang sa feeling.”

“…….”

Gyaaaah. Pero ganun talaga diba? That’s how things really are. There are things that we cannot control. I’ve learned this the hard way. Dati, I believed that I have control of things na nangyayari, until the painful thing happened. Only then I learned about the famous two words of “letting go”.

Sure there are things that we cannot control, but we have control of ourselves and of the decisions that we choose on that given situation. If it’s something na dapat talaga tanggapin, then dapat tanggapin. Accept, move on, learn from it.

Recently, I am also learning that accepting and healing need more time than I expected. I thought it would be easy, because I am a person who everybody believed to be capable of overcoming things like these. I do not want to disappoint every one, but I want to be patient with myself. I want to give time some time.

So if you stumble upon my blog, because you are looking for ways to heal a broken heart, I could only tell you that the best way to deal with things like these is to accept it. That person who left you is probably someone who you loved with fiber of your being, or someone who you would absolutely die for.

But now that they’re gone, you have to let them be where they believe they’d be happy, if not happier. It is only selfishness if you wish them to be yours, when they clearly cannot stay with you.

With all honesty, I still cannot accept that I need to accept. Haha. (Pero alam ko na I need to.) I still have some fight left in me. I still believe that one day he will be back, and I would still be waiting. But as time goes by, every picture na andun sila that I see which his friends post, every news I hear about them which his friends accidentally tell me, it’s slowly breaking me apart. Maybe one day, I will be finally, completely broken and only then will I completely accept.

Letting go is never easy. We all know that. It is so much easier to tie yourself on a boulder and then sink yourself in a muddy lake, than let go (exaggeration, come on people). It is like a tree letting go of its leaves during autumn. One by one, until everything has completely fallen. Come spring, and then the leaves will be back and they will be even greener than ever.

What becomes of the broken hearted then? I still believe that they eventually get up and move on with their lives to conquer the world.

… or you could just read this old post.

Stay romantic everyone. I know you start to become less romantic because of a heartbreak. But don’t let it die out. I’d like to share a lot about it, but that, my friends, will be a blog post for another day.

:)

Categories: mga kwento, realizations | Tags: , | 10 Comments

what becomes of the brokenhearted

sky

There is more to the sky than what you see right now. It could be more beautiful than this. Even more than what you can imagine.

(dahil nagpopost sila rex ng kung ano ano para sa mga broken heartedness related things)

From the Wall.

What becomes of the brokenhearted?

Wala, they get up and move on with their lives to conquer the world. They take down the old pictures and replace it with pictures of new adventures and new acquaintances. They re-align their goals, this time even farther and even more challenging.

Their view of the world changes, basically. They have seen the bad side of it after all.

Tapos they climb mountains, do bungee jumps, run marathons and eventually, they fall in love again.

And that’s how the cycle probably went, even back then,  several thousands of years ago.

Categories: mga kwento, realizations | Tags: , | 5 Comments

12 steps to heal a heartbreak

Had a good chat with mader Yhoyhien this morning.
She told me to make a checklist of some of the things I was able to do based on this list.

Let’s see our progress, shall we?

1 point – 1. Confirm you have the ailment. Check!
Sabi sa list, it’s where you see the physical signs. Like, crying, walang gana and stuff. Well, crying, loss of appetite, crying. Emo. Yep, all check. Avoidance of music by Air Supply, check. Unless of course, marinig ko sa bus or something. haha!

1 point – 2. Get perspective. Check!
Sabi sa site, heartbreak daw is nothing new. Yeah, realizing that. Actually I find myself surrounded by people who are having their own heartbreaks. It’s sad, pero ganun talaga. :) But the journey will end soon. :)

1 point – 3. Get angry. Check!
Dati, I rememeber, tinatanong ako madalas ng kabarkada ko na si Rhostle. “Terri, bat di mo siya kayang i-hate?” I just couldn’t. Feeling ko kasi, hindi hate yung need ko. If there is hate, lalo lang ako hindi makakamove on. Sure, I feel angry for what happened. Pero, wala na eh. Let go na lang and forgive. That’s the next road to take. :) ne?

0.5 point – 4. Write your pain. But do not send. Half check!
I’m a little guilty of this. I write down my pain, yeah. Pero often times, I sent it. Crap. Hehe. Pero lately, I found myself just writing it down. Just writing it and saving it sa drafts ng email. There’s no sense in sending it anymore. So what kung may painful ngayon, mawawala rin yan. As if naman may magagawa pa siya sa pain mo. :D

1 point – 5. Stay sober. Check!
Yeah. I don’t want to drink if I’m feeling down. Drink because you’re celebrating. :) I remember, every time mag aaya ako sa friends ko, Joecon always warns me, “Pag nag emo or umiyak ka habang nag iinuman, papatayan kita ng ilaw.” :)) Ayaw niya kasi na nag eemo ako.

0.5 point – 6. Don’t drink and communicate. Half Check!
A little guilty, hindi naman ako lasing, pero kasi pag medyo antok nako, yung in the middle of consciousness and sleep, I tend to text. Memorize ko kasi number niya. Ginagawa ko to. -_- Pero, sometimes, I just text and save sa drafts ko. Hehhe. Kaya medyo natatakot ako mag pa text sa ibang tao using my phone :))  (okay, delete ko na)

1 point – 7. Keep yourself occupied. Check!
Sabi sa list, “work hard, get out of the house, or take up a new hobby such as painting Warhammer miniature figurines or visiting every nail salon in town. Staying busy does not mean reading the collected history of your five-year e-mail correspondence. Delete it now.” Yep, I keep myself super busy. Doing things na i love to do. Piano, photography, exercising, running, traveling, driving, going out with people who I know likes me for who I am, not for who I can be. It’s a very fulfilling thing. Oh, cosplay! :D (sino gusto sumama mag cosplay?)

1 point – 8. Get exercise. Yeah! Check!
Gym, run, bike, mountain climbing! Organizing marathons sa office and stuff. Next in my list, TENNIS. :D yeah…

0.5 point – 9. Don’t be creepy. Half check!
Sabi sa site, eto daw yung “No stalking.” Lol. I guess some of us are guilty with this. Especially since right after. hehe. I have stopped checking na actually. Medyo long time na rin. May times na i get curious, pero I know na if I check, I will only get hurt with what I will see. Kaya hindi na lang mag check. Pero dahil marami na rin ako nagagawa, minsan, I forget na gusto ko pala i-check. :) I guess keeping self busy helps drive away ung curiosity na yun.

1 point – 10. Dematerialize the past. Check!
Sabi daw “The presence of physical reminders only prolongs the agony and magically wards off new lovers. Place mementos such as photos, lingerie, and joint credit cards in a box and hide this in your basement.” Yeah, this helps. Kasi if you still keep seeing it, masakit lang. Hehehe.

0.5 point – 11. Break off all contact. Half check!
I stopped. Pero sometimes, on a moment of weakness, na ttext ko, or email. I just miss him.

1 point – 12. Be patient. Check.
“Time heals all. Remember, if you don’t at least try to get over your heartbreak, then you’ll be trapped forever in a limbo fantasyland of false hope, and you’ll obsessively pine for future reconciliation. And if you’re a glutton for punishment like me, that’s exactly where you like to be.” I believe now that time heals most wounds. I will be healed, in time. :)

Over all score: 10/12! :D getting there.

Categories: aliw stuff, realizations | Tags: , , | 4 Comments

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