Posts Tagged With: letting go

Miss, Umiiyak ka ba?

.

A repost from exactly one year ago.

by Elle Cross on Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 6:03pm

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Gabi na nung time na yun, galing ako ng piano lessons ko from Lopez sa may Sucat.

Sumakay ako ng jeep na pa-baclaran and nag bayad. “Bayad po, isang MIA lang.” Kasi from MIA, I go down there and then take a taxi papunta sa Tramo. Tapos, umupo ako sa may directly likod ni mamang driver, kasi nga gabi na yun and natatakot ako umupo sa may door.

After a few minutes, pinatugtog ang isa na namang love song at naalala ko na naman SIYA. Tapos medyo na-emo ako -_- and di napigilang umiyak. Taga Sucat din kasi ung si guy. So Sucat sort of reminds me of them.

So nung medyo malapit na ko sa bababaan ko, medyo nag *sniff sniff* na lang ako. Trying to fight back tears, when manong driver suddenly asked me, “Miss, umiiyak ka ba?”

I felt so embarrassed so sabi ko, “ay naghihikab lang po.” Okay, so nag drive lang si kuya.

After a few seconds, sabi uli ni mamang driver, “kasi MIA na to.”

ONLY THEN did I realize ang totoo.

Kala ko sabi ni mamang driver, “Miss, umiiyak ka ba?”

YUN PALA

“Miss, MIA ka ba?!”

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kala mo drama tong post na to no? :P

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Categories: mga kwento | Tags: , | 3 Comments

unsaid

*takes a deep breath*

*write here all I’m feeling but cannot say*

*takes a deep breath*

*go back to work*

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looking for my parachute

I had the mistake of reading ang blog ng girlfriend. It was the typical mistake any person trying to move on would do. Lolz. Before reading that, I was actually okay. Pero after I did, well it really made me feel bad, kahit na I knew it was like that from the start.

Feeling ko I was pushed tapos nawawala ung parachute ko!!

Sabi nga sakin ni Sir Chris, wag ko na tingnan yun. It’s like naiinggit pa ako sa iphone ng iba. Eh pede naman ako kumuha ng ibang phone na mas suitable sakin. Baka talagang hindi sakin meant ung iPhone.

This morning I woke up, still a little hungover on the sadness, pero I realize na this was just a small set back. I am starting to pull myself up, after getting slightly dipped in this post-relationship sadness. Inisip ko uli everything that has made me realize na I am actually happy. Parang “being happy” has just been buried under heavy slabs of rejection and denial. I need to lift those away na, para makahinga na uli.

Sometimes, I keep forgetting na malaki nga pala ang mundo. It’s so vast that there so many things to do and see.

What happened has happened. Siguro if I had a time machine, I could tell myself to stop whatever it was I was doing para hindi na mangyari yun, pero mahal siguro pagawa ng time machine and mahirap kaya I have no choice.

Doc: "Come on, terri! Hop in and let's knock some sense into your past self!"

Also, if I would go back in time, it would mean that there would be two of myself na present at an instance. So technically, that would no longer be me. If I go back in the present, what happened still happened because of the ME, regardless kung bumalik pa ako sa time or not. Lolz.

My dreams are too big and there are so many things waiting out there to be experienced. I should stop chaining myself to this unmovable stone na part of my life so that I could get on my way.

The girl is happy, the guy is happy and I wish them happiness. Sure I’m sad about it and it does make me cry at times. Pero, I’m happy na despite of this sadness, I was able to experience something as beautiful as loving someone so much and being loved in return -even if only for a short while.

My parachute was here all along, hindi ko lang sinuot kasi I was busy crying.

So now, *straps on parachute* let’s prepare ourselves for the next adventure!

SKYDIVING! XD ALRIGHT!!

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:(

“…the spaces between my fingers

are right where yours fit perfectly.”

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what becomes of the broken hearted 2

Despair – a state where all hope is absent.

On moments when I feel that despair is taking over, eto yung mga times na I wish na this is all just a movie – where hindi ko need problemahin how the main characters will pull this off and make it work.

Tapos I would just sit back and wait for the “5 years later” na caption, just to skip the difficult part.

Sometimes, I don’t want to see what will happen anymore. It’s too scary to think of what could possibly happen. Like, what if after 2 years, and you’re still thinking of him? (…”two years later you’re still on my mind.” -Someday We’ll Know) Or what if eventually my friend chose a decision that led to a worse consequence?

I feel this too for my friends and other people important to me. During that time when we hug each other for support. Most of the time, I have a good advice for them, pero may times when I really do not know what to do anymore to help. Kaya gusto ko na lang mag skip to “…a few years later”, kasi ayaw ko na makita ang super daming sadness na to.

I sometimes believe that only time can heal. That is a sure answer, pero it’s not something that I want to hear. It’s like this:

“Ang sakit ng heart ko araw-araw. Kelan ba ako gagaling?”

“Hmm, hindi ako sure. Depende sa ability mo to heal eh. It will take time.”

“How long?”

“Iba iba kasi per person. Sa iba, months lang. Sa iba, years.”

“Pero gagaling ako?”

“Well… hindi ka talaga gagaling. Masasanay ka lang sa feeling.”

“…….”

Gyaaaah. Pero ganun talaga diba? That’s how things really are. There are things that we cannot control. I’ve learned this the hard way. Dati, I believed that I have control of things na nangyayari, until the painful thing happened. Only then I learned about the famous two words of “letting go”.

Sure there are things that we cannot control, but we have control of ourselves and of the decisions that we choose on that given situation. If it’s something na dapat talaga tanggapin, then dapat tanggapin. Accept, move on, learn from it.

Recently, I am also learning that accepting and healing need more time than I expected. I thought it would be easy, because I am a person who everybody believed to be capable of overcoming things like these. I do not want to disappoint every one, but I want to be patient with myself. I want to give time some time.

So if you stumble upon my blog, because you are looking for ways to heal a broken heart, I could only tell you that the best way to deal with things like these is to accept it. That person who left you is probably someone who you loved with fiber of your being, or someone who you would absolutely die for.

But now that they’re gone, you have to let them be where they believe they’d be happy, if not happier. It is only selfishness if you wish them to be yours, when they clearly cannot stay with you.

With all honesty, I still cannot accept that I need to accept. Haha. (Pero alam ko na I need to.) I still have some fight left in me. I still believe that one day he will be back, and I would still be waiting. But as time goes by, every picture na andun sila that I see which his friends post, every news I hear about them which his friends accidentally tell me, it’s slowly breaking me apart. Maybe one day, I will be finally, completely broken and only then will I completely accept.

Letting go is never easy. We all know that. It is so much easier to tie yourself on a boulder and then sink yourself in a muddy lake, than let go (exaggeration, come on people). It is like a tree letting go of its leaves during autumn. One by one, until everything has completely fallen. Come spring, and then the leaves will be back and they will be even greener than ever.

What becomes of the broken hearted then? I still believe that they eventually get up and move on with their lives to conquer the world.

… or you could just read this old post.

Stay romantic everyone. I know you start to become less romantic because of a heartbreak. But don’t let it die out. I’d like to share a lot about it, but that, my friends, will be a blog post for another day.

:)

Categories: mga kwento, realizations | Tags: , | 10 Comments

honey and clover . :) the beginning.

*squeeeee*

usagijen-chan just burned me seasons 1 and 2 of Honey and Clover. *___*

It actually felt nice talking with jen-chan. We spent most of the day LOL-ing at things na only the two of us find funny and squee-ing at sparkling bishounens with long, gorgeous hair. oooooh.

Honey and Clover got my interest because of Jen-chan’s Life Goes On post. We were reading this during the project management training. *big smile* wahehehehehe.

Hai, mimashou ka? :)

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where’s terri?

Argh. Ang tagal ko hindi naka update. To my adoring fans (if there are any), I apologize. Things are just getting busier and the emo self is demanding so much time. I just wish I could ignore it. :)

Have you guys heard of John Robert Powers? It’s this personality development school, I’m seriously thinking of enrolling in their 10-day course, but it’s too expensive. It’s about the same price as my lifetime membership in the gym (a good thing too, that lifetime membership, i tell you).

Every time I tell people that I’m thinking of enrolling, their usual reply was “Are you sure you need it?” These people knew me as someone who’s very confident. Someone who won’t need a personality booster.

But people change. We change because of the things that we have experienced. Neri always tell me na dati, everywhere I go it seemed like I was walking with a rainbow on my back. And now, kahit nasan ako, parang may dark cloud looming over me. Dati, when I meet new people, I was the one who would try to get to know everyone in the room. Ngayon, it seemed like they’re the ones who approach me. I no longer feel the need to know everyone. Probably just the person sitting beside me.

The other night, I had dinner with two of my fantastic officemates at Chili’s. There I got the idea of John Robert Powers. Yes, it is life-changing, according to my friend who has been through one of their 10-day courses.

I need to gain back the confidence I had in myself before that relationship. A relationship where I had to change into someone. That was the time when I thought to myself that nothing else mattered except this person. I believed that he was worth everything.  The thought of being with him made me run faster. It made me reach farther.

Kaya when he has gone, my world turned black and white.

Kaya I want to bring back color to my world. Increase the exposure, put more vibrance, step up the clarity until my world is transformed into something even better than what I had before.

I asked my sister, who has always been there to give me good advices, about enrolling, and it was surprising what she told me. Kasi she likes classes for self-improvement, pero this time, she told me something which I wasn’t really expecting.

She told me that Happyness comes from within. Something na alam ko na before, pero kinalimutan ko lang. When I entered in a relationship where I was trying to make it work, I gave so much until all that loss completely changed me.

Now, I’m going to bring myself back. Even better than who I was before. Kahit anong mangyari.

Kahit gaano pa kahirap. I will bring me back.

Categories: realizations | Tags: | 4 Comments

missing the shonan boy

wherever you are.

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